She Only Wants My Money
Date of posting: 06.11.2024
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The phrase that I have heard many times both from the experienced men and from very young guys. This phrase is often presented as the «last argument» in a fight, in the heat of emotions as an extreme expression of resentment*.
*Resentment in this case is a way to make another feel guilty, simply to manipulate.
Such phrase at least highlights us how a particular person recognizes the world and himself in this world. At the most - it can reflect a man’s emotional experiences, such as his insecurity, feeling that he is being devalued, or fear that his value in relationships is only reduced to material support.
Being away from home, sometimes in quite difficult working conditions, the man often becomes emotionally detached from loved ones. And how hard it can be to get into the long-awaited home, to restore the emotional connection with real people, not with a semi-virtual image of the loved person who we mentally complete by communicating on the phone and the internet.
Gifts and money brought from the seafaring is one of the easiest ways to get back together. This way especially like those who received the attention of parents in childhood in economic equivalet: please be good and we buy you a toy car, a computer.
Or the opposite situation when a man in childhood did not have that same toy car or computer. Therefore dearness and love for him means money.
The real dearness and love cause a poorly understood fear of being rejected and a sense of vulnerability.
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In this case money can be detached from the partner (family) using them as a «barrier».
I give you money means it is my care or love. Time together, heart-to-heart talks, friendship and trust are replaced by financial prosperity.
This emotional detachment helps a man to avoid pain or fear of being rejected.
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But since this structure is imaginary, on the one hand it seems to protect whoever is behind it. On the other hand, it’s very good for self-confidence and self-esteem. The man may feel that he is not good enough in other aspects of the relationship (emotionally, intellectually or physically) and gradually becomes convinced that money is the only thing he can offer.
But it is important to remember that relationships are always the two-way road, there is another side that also supports this system, often unconsciously. For example, when relationships are constructed as transactional «scratch my back and I'll scratch yours», where love and care have a material price.
As a consequence, the subject of money is being shifted to manipulation and control. Whoever has the resources sets the rules, or «I can’t do something, because I brought you money».
An interesting observation from practice.
The one who complains about materialistic women, himself «catches» them on the material bait, deliberatly shows the presence of money, demonstrates his financial ability, and then «having caught on this hook a very certain fish» sincerely surprises that again caught a mercantile woman.
Similar attracts similar.
The one who complains about materialistic women, himself «catches» them on the material bait, deliberatly shows the presence of money, demonstrates his financial ability, and then «having caught on this hook a very certain fish» sincerely surprises that again caught a mercantile woman.
Similar attracts similar.
It is important to remember that if I live with the feeling that everyone around me wants only money, this reflects not only the experience of meeting mercantile women on the way, but also my inner beliefs and emotional state which attract such people. What is this belief? What are these states? Why do I have it?
It’s a very individual and multifaceted story. If you’re interested in this about yourself, welcome to the therapy.
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Author of the article: psychologist Natalia Telipko
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