Phychologist Gives Recommendations How to Avoid Conflicts on Board
Date of posting: 03.05.2019
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It’s not the weather only that provokes thunder and lightning on board. In conditions of isolation and hard work both sailors and Masters can get emotional.
Crewing Guide had a conversation with psychologist, gestalt therapist, family therapist, sexologist, host of the YouTube channel Larisa Bandura.
Situation No 1
A CONFLICT SEAMAN ON SHIPBOARD. RECOMMENDATIONS TO THE OFFICERS.
Unfortunately a conflict seaman is a common thing when there is at least one person on board, who “spoils the air” for everyone. At the same time such situation is normal. However you may be surprised by the fact that it brings a lot of positive things with it. Why? In conditions of isolation from the outside world crew members can not relieve the tension in a usual way. Thus it accumulates, hardly consciously. Then the conflict seaman takes the stress. In fact, the cause-and-effect relationship is reverse. Paradoxical though it might sound.
Reason 1. Failure to comply with the rules.
It is very important for the officers to comply with the limits and rules established in the Charter, to be clearly aware of their duties and complete them. Conflicting people always react to the doubts of the Head, "catching" him in incompetence. Is it worth to be an indulgent Head? There can be no exceptions on board. If one thing is stated in the rules, then the other one is unacceptable. It’s obvious. Once subordinates are allowed to break away from the rules they will demand (demand, that’s right!) to do it regularly.
Advice 1. The rules are established to observe them. Strictly and unconditionally.
Reason 2. Failure to comply with the hierarchy.
On shipboard the hierarchy between crew members is important. It is also essential to understand each other’s responsibilities and duties. If the third Officer sets the task to the seaman, then the same 3rd Officer should inspect the carrying out of the task. Master’s direct contact with the seaman implies incorrect work of crew members. For ratings it means that it’s allowed to break away from the rules, to violate the hierarchy, to dispute the requirements of the Officers.
Advice 2. Keep within your authority, do not get over someone, perform your duties accurately and do not take someone else's duties upon yourself.
Reason 3. High level of inner stress.
In any business the employees are an external reflection of the Head’s inner world. Therefore, if you have a conflicting subordinate, the first question to yourself is «what about my inner level of aggression and stress»? In other words, it’s not a conflict seaman who provokes your stress – it’s you relieving your stress thanks to him (through conflicts, abuses, attempts to regain power). You may not believe me ... No need. Just try it.
Advice 3. React to this subordinate in other way, with greater sympathy, try to understand what he misses, give him what he needs and he will calm down. But it may be reached only when your reaction to him becomes calm and you calm down.
Situation No 2.
A CONFLICT WITH SENIOR OFFICERS. RECOMMENDATIONS TO THE RATINGS.
Reason 1. Failure to observe subordination.
Accept the existing hierarchy upon boarding the ship. You’ll have to live with it for the following 3-6-9 months. It is essential to be clearly aware of your place at work. It can be more difficult for some people, especially for those who wants to become the Head ASAP, or hasn’t managed to do this for some reason for many years.
Advice 1. «Put» your vulnerable pride on a distant shelf. No offence - then this will prove useful.
Reason 2. Failure to accept new rules of the game.
If everything was different on your previous ship with the previous Master, then it is worthwhile to change yourself for a new Master. Maybe you know some personal details about this person or some his personal qualities? Don’t forget to take this into account. For example, the head that is choleric person sometimes loses temper with subordinates and starts yelling. It is worth taking it for granted and not to react to it. He will calm down to prolong good relationships with you again. But if the head is phlegmatic person he yells rarely and it is hard to guess his extreme dissatisfaction. You should carefully keep an eye at him, but in case he’s already angered, you cannot just let the situation go. It’s better to talk to such type of the Head the next day. Discuss the situation in a calm and respectful manner, explain what you did wrong and what your overall agreement is.
Advice 2. Learn to adapt yourself to the situation and to every other Head.
Reason 3. Inner disagreement.
When the Head is obviously wrong.
That’s not a reason for a conflict either. The main point here is not to demand, but to ask to change the situation if possible. Inside it shouldn’t be regarded as requirement though. Thus it’s really important to accept the hierarchy and the rules of the game, and to be consciously aware of the fact of your place at work. Inner disagreement and rebellion often originate from the sense of unfairness and self-perception in a position higher than it actually is. After all, every sailor sees a Master in the mirror. But ... everything has its time.
Advice 3. Discuss the things which are unacceptable. Ask to change the situation if possible.
HOW TO FIND THE WAY OUT THE CONFLICT SITUATION?
If you’re already in a conflict situation then understanding the other person works the best way.
Imagine if you were him and answer the following 3 questions:
- A. What were the motives of my offender when he did/said this?
- B. Could he behave differently?
- C. What would I do if I were him?
And if you are trully honest with yourself, the answer will make you look at the situation in a different manner. Such reflexions can often reveal the understanding that you would do even worse.
COMMON RECOMMENDATION FOR EVERYONE!
Try to cultivate good attitude towards yourself and other people nearby, don’t hesitate to forgive yourself and other people for misconduct, be able to put yourself in other person’s shoes. And even if it does not work right now, be sure: if the seed is sown, it will definitely sprout.
With respect and willingness to help in difficult situation, Larisa Bandura